For Many Older Oklahomans, Christmas Will Be Just Another Lonely Day; Tips For Remembering Our Elders During The Holidays

OKLAHOMA CAPITOL -- While many of us are decking the halls this holiday season or singing along to “Silver Bells,” many older Oklahomans are finding themselves spiraling into depression.  In fact, for them the holidays may indeed be the loneliest season of all.

The Oklahoma Department of Human Services (OKDHS) Aging Services Division reminds us while it’s important to remember families and children during the Christmas holidays—we also need to remember our elders.

Lance Robertson is Director of Aging Services; he says every older person was once young and vibrant, enjoying the holidays with their friends and family.  Today, keeping them active and involved is the key to not only surviving the holidays, but actually enjoying them.

“The holidays can be a time of great joy and fondness,” Robertson said, “but it can also be difficult for those who live alone and have little or no family interaction. Community support is critical and you often see faith-based organizations (churches) reaching out to encourage older adults in the community.”

More often than not, the holidays can trigger memories of days gone by and loved ones who are no longer here. As a result, the Christmas season can be one of the most upsetting for older Oklahomans.

“Depression rates really climb during the holiday season, and in large part for seniors it is due to the loneliness--particularly when older adults lose a spouse or when family functions are no longer organized,” Robertson said.

“A sensible alternative to sitting around the house with the Christmas blues is to help others,” he added.  “If an older adult is able, there are many things they can do.  Volunteer at a local elementary school, visit a nursing home, work at the local food pantry—something of that nature can really keep things in perspective and help prevent a spiral of sadness associated with one’s present state.”

Many organizations realize the elderly face significant challenges when December rolls around. Churches, Robertson says, are “magnificent at focusing on this need during this time of year.”  Also, various support groups can often be found to help widowers or even caregivers who have certain needs. The bottom line, he adds, is to keep the older person engaged and let them know they are loved and needed by the younger generation.

“It is hard to fully capture the joy an older adult often feels when given the chance to interact with those who are younger. It certainly evokes fond memories of their own youth but is also a reminder of how precious life can be. It helps you to see someone who has much ahead of them and to get excited about that, as opposed to focusing on what limited time may lie ahead for you,” Robertson said.

The Aging Services Division of OKDHS offers an array of programs to older Oklahomans and oversees the state’s Aging Network, helping 400,000 people each year.

Esther Houser is the state’s Long-Term Care Ombudsman. In that role, she provides advocacy in support of elders who live in the state’s nursing homes, assisted living centers and residential care facilities.

“One of the most important aspects of the Ombudsman role is our focus on each resident as an individual. The people who live in the long-term care facilities are people first—they are as different from each other as each of us is different from our co-workers or family members. It is so helpful to remember that as we try to remember them during the holidays,” Houser said.

“A nursing home resident may want to reminisce about how the holidays were spent when they were a child. One might only want to know what is going on ‘outside’ the walls of the facility. One may very well want to go to concerts or church services or family gatherings. Still another might want to be left in their room to read quietly or watch sports,” she added.

Houser says more than 60 percent of nursing home residents never have a personal visitor, and that may indeed be the best gift you can give during the holiday season.

“Visitors do not have to know a resident to be able to brighten someone’s day,” she said. “Even an hour might make someone’s Christmas a little merrier. They are people, just like you and me. There is also a wealth of knowledge among residents in long-term care facilities, and lifetimes of stories and lessons to be listened to. 

“Just think of the joy you might bring to someone alone with no surviving friends or relatives. Just think what joy that someone might bring to YOU!  We all need to remember our elders are some of the loneliest people around. Just giving a little time could be the greatest Christmas gift they could receive.”

Gift Ideas for Seniors

Esther Houser, the state’s long-term care ombudsman, offers some gift ideas to brighten the Christmas holidays for older Oklahomans. The greatest gift, she says, is your time. But other suggestions for residents might include:

• Money to have their hair fixed by the beautician;
•  House shoes or slipper socks;
•  Large print books;
•  Lap blankets;
•  Sugar-free candy;
•  Puzzles;
•  Pictures for their walls;
•  Sweat suits, robes, gowns or pajamas;
•  Night lights;
•  Large calendars;
•  Easy-to-read clocks;
•  Stuffed animals;
•  A basket made especially for a wheelchair or walker;
•  An album of family photos taken during the year; or 
•  Personal care items like a small hand-held mirror, or perfume-free hand cream.

Houser says residents may also enjoy a prepaid shopping card to a local discount store, or an invitation to a meal at a restaurant or the visitor’s home. She says music your loved one used to listen to may also stir up some good memories.

Get grandchildren involved when possible. The child or adult can read aloud, or talk about the holiday’s activities. Also, focus on your loved one’s abilities, rather than on limitations. Don’t give advice unless asked. Overlook weakness and focus on strengths. There may be some awkward moments to ignore, but focus on the good and be cheerful.

Finally, listen! Let the resident talk. Let the children talk. When grandchildren visit a grandmother or grandfather, the child is admired by most of the residents. Often other residents will stroke the child’s hair or try to pick up small ones. Sit back and watch everyone’s faces light up when kids are present. Take your time, don’t rush and enjoy the visit.

Become an ombudsman volunteer and give a weekly gift that lasts all year.  Training is free, flexible and available in your area.  For more information on how you can help older Oklahomans in your area, phone the Office of the State Long-Term Care Ombudsman in the OKDHS Aging Services Division at (405) 521-6734.

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For many older Oklahomans, the holidays can be the loneliest season of all.  Remember to include the elderly in your holiday plans.